CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
