I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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