you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
