I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
