ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
