The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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