***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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