You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
