I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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