This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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