: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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