I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
These tits shall not be calmed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
