he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
