so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
