she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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