he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
