I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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