Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
