I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
