dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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