vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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