Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
