Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
