OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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