She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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