i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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