Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
