the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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