just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize