just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
