Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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