She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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