My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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