This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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