I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
