he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
