I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
