what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
