I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
