How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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