I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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