Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
