I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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