thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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