Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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