Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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