Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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