its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
