my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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