I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
