just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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