dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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