i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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