I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
