last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize