Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
