I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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