i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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